The adventures of Almost Smart Cookie

The Lie of “No More Men”

2008-09-15T05:04:00.000-07:00

Many of the women in my study went through a phase of “No More Men” after their hearts were broken. They stopped dating or became pessimistic about finding love. And then—almost out of the blue—they fall for another man. The self-promise of “No More Men” ends up not really being real at all. Instead, this negativity is a poor way of stopping the yearning for love. But listen up: There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a loving relationship! Stop fooling yourself and get out there and date. If you went through “No More Men,” share your story of how you got out of it. Help other women learn from you.

Cookie Sees the Truth about Her Relationship with Tim

2008-09-02T06:36:00.000-07:00

Usually, it takes a while for us to face our missteps in our love choices. Seeing the love problems of others often helps us see the truth in our own. No one likes to think they have chosen the wrong partner, and we humans are too good at fooling ourselves—especially when it comes to love. What did you do when you finally “saw the light” in your relationship? Post your story and help others learn, too. What do you think Cookie will do next?

The End of Giving, Lending and Loving?

2008-08-15T11:29:00.000-07:00

Do you have a dating history of giving or lending too much money to your men—and often not getting back your “loans?” Many of today’s strong, capable women choose men who seem at first loving and understanding, only to find that the men are lost and underemployed. Do you try to over-help your man? Please post your story and advice so you can help other women. Thank you. LB

Lost in Love

2008-08-04T07:48:00.001-07:00

Love is great. Fall in love. Find joy and happiness. Remember—in healthy, romantic relationships life goes on. We eat wisely, get enough sleep, focus on our work and health and stay in touch with friends and family. If you let your intimate relationship take over your life, then you might be lost in love. When you finally find yourself, you just might find that you’ve given up too much of yourself to keep the relationship alive. My relationship advice is to look at your daily or weekly schedule and see if it has changed. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself for love. If you’ve put your life on hold for a man, post your comments and help others learn from you. Thank you. LB

Ignoring Doubts

2008-07-18T08:36:00.001-07:00

Do you have an inkling of doubt about your man, but you ignore or minimize it? Do you rely on the reactions of your friends? It’s very common to “see the hand-writing on the wall” as a warning sign about your love choice—and still pay no attention to it. Post your story if you have had this experience and help other women learn from you. Thank you. LB

Learning From Mom

2008-07-03T07:45:00.000-07:00

Do your love relationships end up resembling your mother’s—even if you don’t want them to be like hers? At first, many of the strong, professional women in my study did not see the similarity between the love relationships of their mothers and their own intimate relationships. In your love life, is one person more in charge than another—regardless of whether the man or woman is the person more in control? Is your mother or you happy with a man like Sam or Tim? What are the good and bad sides of this kind of relationship? All the Almost Smart Cookie’s of the world would love to hear your comments.

Thank you.
LB

Cookie, Tim and Togetherness

2008-06-09T07:28:00.000-07:00

What’s wrong with this picture? The beginnings of relationships often start out as though you and your partner are “two peas in a pod.” Troubles develop when you drop the rest of life and forget about friends and work responsibilities. Being fused to each other is not the same as being close to each other. When you sustain this kind of attachment beyond the courtship and falling in love stages, you risk giving up your separate identities and sacrificing genuine closeness. Remember, relationships require two people, not a two-headed, four-armed animal. If you are stuck in this dilemma or have triumphed over it, post your thoughts and tips. Thank you in advance for your story and suggestions.

Cookie And Nice Guys

2008-05-08T11:57:00.000-07:00

Are you attracted to guys because they seem nice, easy-going, sensitive and supportive of your career? Don’t get me wrong—these are wonderful qualities, but sometimes these men are hiding tee shirts with invisible writing just like Tim’s. By the time you’re able to see the fine print, you’ve already been hurt, disappointed and exhausted from doing everything. If this sounds like you, post your story. Or, perhaps your man and relationship started out like Smart Cookie and Tim’s, but you discovered how to make changes so that you both could be happy. In my research, many strong women often chose men like Tim. Thank you in advance for your story and suggestions.